


Moral Superiority and Hurt Through Ignorance

by Diary



Series: Dog Saved World [4]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bechdel Test Fail, Bottle Episode Fic, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner Has Issues, Bruce Banner Hulks Out, Conversations, Deaf Clint Barton, Disturbing Themes, Friendship/Love, Gen, POV Female Character, POV Natasha Romanov, Stark Tower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 06:25:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6412609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I just find it- funny, that’s all,” he says. “He’s the sun to you, and you’re the stars to him, and you can’t even see what you are to each other.” Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moral Superiority and Hurt Through Ignorance

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own The Avengers.

Stark is sulking, and Steve is running around in an effort to be helpful.

Entering the lab, Natasha sits down.

Banner looks up from the test tubes he’s cleaning.

“What are you running from this time, Dr Banner?"

Shaking his head, he scoffs. “Don’t give Tony ideas.”

“I don’t need to. You like it here. You like most of the inhabitants of this tower. You’re doing good.”

“I’m living in the same building as two assassins,” is his even reply.

She’s glad she doesn’t react. As a person, he hasn’t earned the right to see when he hurts her, and as someone who turns into the Hulk- bringing up the latter will paint her as in the wrong, she knows. His pride and stupidity made him into what has the potential to be killing machine rivalling her and Clint put together, but because he’s polite and unassuming most of the time, so many people are willing to give him respect and kindness he doesn’t deserve.

He already knows too much about how deeply she’s intertwined with Clint for her comfort for her to take the risk of bringing up her partner.

“Is that why you’re leaving?”

His tone is a bit short when he answers, “No. I’m leaving because I’ve been offered a wonderful opportunity to help people.”

“Then, your reason for bringing up-”

He looks up, sets the tubes down, and places his hands palm down on the table. “I’m not coming back, Agent Romanov. Or at least, I hope to God I’m not. So, this is me indulging myself when presented the opportunity. You came in here demanding answers. I didn’t seek you out. I wouldn’t. Not you or Agent Barton. Would you like to leave now?”

“No,” she answers with as much coldness as she can infuse.

“Your moral superiority really- grates on me. All my life, I have tried to help people. In the process, I’ve made some terrible mistakes that will always define me. And I am sincerely trying to accept this. But you- let’s leave what you did before S.H.I.E.L.D. out of this. After you were free to make your own decisions, you decided to kill people who hadn’t been tried in a fair trial, let alone arrested. You decided to kill people who weren’t personally threatening you or your loved ones. You often decided to kill people while they were vulnerable rather than when they were posing a threat to innocent people.”

“Defend how those killed saved the world all you want. Life is life,” and she can’t help but flinch at hearing the same words in the same tone Agent Barton had spoken during their confrontation after he’d refused to kill her.

Banner doesn’t seem to notice her reaction. “And all the same is true for Agent Barton. It’s not my reason for leaving, but I won’t miss your judgement, I’ll tell you.”

He picks up another tube, and then, seems to think better of it. Setting it down, he looks back over at her. “Oh, and our first meeting? You sent a child to retrieve a monster. She was almost ran over in her attempt to get me there as fast as possible. I know you don’t care, but I will never forgive you for that.”

She lets herself shrug. “Why’d you help save my life, doctor?”

“There’s no certainty that roofie would have killed you, but assuming it would have, you just answered your own question. ‘Doctor’. I owed you the same treatment I’d give anyone. Assassin, priest, children, the elderly, the rich, the poor. I’ve never believed only certain people deserve the relief medicine can bring.”

“Life is life,” she repeats.

He nods.

She stands. “Have fun with W.H.O., Dr Banner.”

“Thank you, Agent Romanov.”

She pauses at the doorway. “Last chance to indulge yourself. Anything else?”

He doesn’t answer for a long moment, but just as the door opens, he says, “Agent Barton was wrong.”

She re-shuts the door. “Excuse me?”

“He said you hadn’t conditioned him. But you have. All you have to do is look at him, and you’re his primary focus. I’ve seen him relaxed, I’ve seen him tense, happy, and angry. His eyes always change when they land on you, and whatever he’s feeling takes the backseat. He can touch you, and you’ll do anything. Well, when he’s looking at you and you’re looking back, it’s the same.”

“I would have noticed,” she says.

“The same way he does?” He scoffs.

“Is that all?”

“I just find it- funny, that’s all,” he says. “He’s the sun to you, and you’re the stars to him, and you can’t even see what you are to each other.”

“I know what he is to me,” she quietly informs him.

 _Get out, now_ , everything in her screams.

“But he doesn’t, and I doubt you fully realise what you are to him.”

She leaves.

…

She’s sparring a robot when Clint comes in.

“Hey, you okay?”

“One of those days,” she answers. “How’d it go at the shelter today?”

“I’ll go tomorrow,” he says.

She taps the mat three times with her foot, and the robot obediently moves away. “You didn’t go today?”

Clint is almost religious about his weekly three hour volunteering at the local animal shelter, and if he didn’t go- “Did Banner say something to you?”  

He gives her a wary look. “Nothing bad. Nat- Look, I know you and Banner don’t get along, but aside from him trying to hurt you up in the air, which was mainly Loki’s fault, I’ve never had a reason to-”

“I know,” she interrupts. “And we shouldn’t expect to like and dislike all the same people. I just- I just wanted to make sure your deviation wasn’t because something was wrong.”

Shaking his head, he sinks onto the ground, and she follows suit.

The robot prods his head, and he reaches over to stroke it.

“No, I decided to help the cap.,” he says. “We got some stuff we thought he might like, now that he can actually take some luxury items with him. Honestly, Tasha, I thought he might cry. But he just thanked us, shook our hands, and told to take care.”

He hesitates for a moment, and catching his eye, she orders, “Tell me the rest, Clint.”

It isn’t until he starts to reply she remembers Banner’s words.

 _This does not count as manipulation_ , she firmly tells herself. She’s ordered Clint around plenty of times and dragged him, sometimes literally, into situations he’d rather not be in, and there have been some arguments in the past. Right or wrong, these are facts.

However, she’s never consciously tried to emotionally manipulate him, and if he ever tried to do it with her, he’d find himself in incredible bodily pain.

This does not count as manipulation, because, Banner might be wrong, and even if he’s somehow not, part of being friends means using eye contact and friendly touches to connect with one another and coax the other when needed.

“He told me to take care of you and to keep letting you take care of me,” Clint says with an unsure laugh. “I think he thinks, you know.”

Many people think she and Clint are having sex. A smaller number of people believe there are unrequited feelings on the part of one of them, although, which hasn’t been generally decided on.

Banner and Loki are among the few who unequivocally know the truth.

Something deeper tingles inside her.

There are plenty of reasons she can think of for why Banner would unleash his rant on her but leave Clint untouched, but something is telling her none of them are right.

“Was Steve there when he told you this?”

“Nah,” he answers. “He was making sure Stark actually released the car he promised tomorrow. Don’t worry, Tasha. Captain America is untouched by the rumours.”

She rolls her eyes at him.

They don’t particularly talk about it, but Clint seems half-convinced she has a deeper interest in Steve than she does, and she supposes Banner would find this hilarious, as well.

Steve has come to the same conclusions Loki and Banner have; the only difference between his and theirs is: he doesn’t _know_ he’s right.

The tingling only deepens.

She stands up. “I’m going to go for a walk. See you at dinner?”

Looking surprised, Clint quickly nods and jumps up. Reaching out, he grabs her wrist. “Is everything alright, Natasha?”

“It’s just been a disconcerting day. With Banner leaving so suddenly, Stark sulking, and I imagine Thor won’t be happy when he comes back to visit and finds Banner gone.”

“Yeah. Well, if you need anything-” He trails off.

“I’ll find you,” she promises.

…

When the others are out gathering the final touches for Banner's going away party, she goes to the lab and finds everything has either been packed up or tidied.

“You’re going to miss this,” she observes.

Nodding, he doesn’t look up from his tablet.

“What are you up to, Banner?”

He looks over. “Didn’t we have this conversation earlier?”

“No. We had a conversation where you continued to lie. You aren’t leaving because this is a great opportunity to help people or because you can’t stand the thought of living underneath killers.”

“Oh?” Taking his glasses off, he looks at her steadily. “And what is my reason, then, Agent Romanov?”

Inwardly, she braces herself. “Stark understands privacy. Jarvis isn’t allowed to record us or monitor our vitals without permission. He’s not allowed to divulge information about what we do within the tower without our consent unless there are very specific circumstances in play.”

He continues to look at her almost impassively, but she can see the vague curiosity and fear in his eyes.

“And you’re good, doctor. You just made one little mistake.”

“Are you going to drag out whatever you think you know,” he demands.

“Yes,” she answers.

He sighs.

“I’ve spent the last five hours going over recordings of you and Stark in this lab. Recordings you and he both-”

“I know,” he interrupts.

“In one of them, you had your personal laptop in here. You accidentally clicked a bookmark. I could tell it was an accident by how quickly you closed it and looked over to see if Stark saw. He didn’t, and you relaxed.”

“And,” he challenges.

She can see the growing fear in his eyes.

“My instincts told me to start there. A flower in the Brazilian forests. I’ve been reading about it. And let me tell you, Dr Banner, I’m an expert in poisons, but I don’t understand- almost anything I’ve read, to be honest. What I do know is that the flower is considered a national threat due to how fatal it is, you once put a gun in your mouth and pulled the trigger, and Brazil is your first stop with W.H.O.”

He doesn’t respond.

“You think you might be able to use it to kill either the Hulk or both of you.”

Rubbing his eyes, he asks, “And what are you planning to do with this theory of yours?”

“Don’t insult either of us by calling it a theory,” she orders.

He shrugs. “Fine. What are you planning to do?”

“Nothing,” she answers. “Do what you feel you have to. I just want my curiosity satisfied. You’ve tried to make peace with Stark, and you’re leaving on good terms with Clint and Steve. What makes me different?”

Picking up his glasses, he slips them on and looks back down at his tablet. “I miscalculated. I thought you were the one person I could speak honestly to without arousing suspicion.”

“No, I don’t think that’s it,” she says. “If this fails, you can come back, but you wouldn’t particularly want to under the circumstances. The guilt you’re trying to avoid isn’t for the pain they’d feel if you succeeded; it’s that, if you hurt them and fail, you have to live with the fact you not only mislead them but also hurt them with words you can never fully erase. Just tell me the truth, Dr Banner, and I’ll leave you alone.”

The sound he lets out puts her on alert and makes her prepare for if she needs to hit the safety alarm and sprint to the nearest decontamination shower.

“I wanted you listen,” he grits out.

He looks up, and she doesn’t see any green.

“Everything I said about you and Agent Barton is true. And I could have said all that nicely, and you probably wouldn’t have done anything with it even if I did succeed. I-” He shakes his head, looks down, takes a breath, and looks back up. “Because of the other guy, I lost the woman I wanted to marry. I’ll never have children.”

“All the other things I said are true- I don’t feel very comfortable living with assassins, and I find you unbearably self-righteous considering you are one. But mainly, I look at you and him, and it’s not much of a stretch to call it a tragedy. Most people would give anything to have what you two have, and you could both have so much more if only one of you would just reach for it.”

“I suppose it takes one to know one,” she replies. At his surprised look, she continues, “Tony Stark loves you. If it weren’t for Pepper Potts, he might fall in love with you. Steve, Clint, and Thor all respect you. They all trust you. You’re getting to do a job you love. There are people out there who call you a hero. The Hulk might be responsible for many bad things in your life, Bruce, but I want you to understand: You are the one trying to take this all away from yourself.”

“Noted,” is his dismissive reply.

“Jarvis,” she inquires, “is everyone out of the tower?”

“Affirmative, Agent Romanov.”

“Good." To Banner, she says, “For what it’s worth, if I were morally superior, I’d find a better way to do this.”

He doesn’t have time to react before she’s hitting the safety alarm and firing a gun in his general direction.

By the time he does react, he’s turning green, and she’s in the decontamination shower as lockdown protocols are initiated.

As the Hulk smashes things and tries to get free, she finds herself doing something akin to praying.

 _Keep Clint away_ , she asks the universe. _Please, don’t let this be how I die. Why would I do this? Please, please, don’t let me die like this. Please, please, please._

“Agent Romanov? The Hulk is currently lying in what used to be the library.”

Feeling somewhat more grounded, she answers, “Thank you, Jarvis.”

 _Please, please, please_ , she thinks.

…

He growls when she approaches, and she makes sure to keep her hands up rather than going for her gun.

“My name is Natasha Romanov,” she softly tells him. “I know Banner- Bruce and I haven’t always gotten along, but I do care about him. Like you do. If you let me, I’ll protect him.”

He swipes at her, and she jumps onto a piece of wreckage.

“I haven’t always done such a good job with that, either,” she acknowledges.

She finds herself being studied.

Keeping her movements slow and deliberate, she carefully sits down. “He wants to leave. He wants to hurt- he feels like he needs to hurt himself again.”

A loud, protesting growl fills the air.

“You both like Tony Stark. Iron Man. And he cares about both of you. You know that, right? That’s why you helped save his life.”

Fascination fills her when Hulk gives a terse nod.

“I need him to stay here. Here where Stark and the others can protect him. Clint Barton, Hawkeye, the one with the arrows? He cares, too. And so do Captain Steve Rogers and Thor.”

“Puny god,” Hulk mutters.

“His brother is. But Thor fought along side you, and he considers Bruce a friend.”

There’s a long stretch of silence, and she uses it to plot escape routes.

“Make other stay,” he orders.

“I will,” she promises.

He closes his eyes.

She digs out her cell phone.

“Natasha,” Stark’s oily voice greets her. “Our cars have all been disabled, communications have been sketchy, to say the least, and there seems to be a concentrated effort on the parts of unknown civilians to keep us here. Are you behind this?”

“The good news,” she says, “is we all still have suites. The bad news is your lab and the library and probably several other places are going to need extensive renovations.” Seeing Banner is back, she finishes, “I’ve got to go. Banner needs a blanket and some water.”

…                                              

Once Banner is properly dressed and sitting curled up on an unharmed recliner, she hands him a cup of his preferred tea.

“Thanks,” he mutters.

Sitting down, she says, “Sorry for shooting at you.”

“Did you get what you wanted out of the other guy?”

She doesn’t know how to answer.

Hulk is still dangerous, and he still scares her.

This doesn’t erase the fact she had a conversation with him. It doesn’t erase the fact he has thoughts, feelings, and motivations of his own. He’s not animal. She’s not sure what he is, but he is sentient, and she now realises no one can say for sure he couldn’t be taught not to cause wanton destruction if Bruce and other people were willing to teach him.

When Clint brought her in, everyone from Coulson to Fury grasped how dangerous she was and was willing to give her a chance on the condition no one be stupid about it.

Clint- fit their definition, and frankly, hers, of being stupid about it.

One night of sleeping next to her after they failed to kill one another was enough to convince him- she wouldn’t try to kill him the next time he was asleep, she supposes. 

It went beyond crashing in her cell with his hearing aids out, though. He laid out every weakness he had through conversation, happily bought her a cup of her favourite tea after she managed to cause him severe pain when they sparred, and said things along the lines of, _No, sir, I don’t think I can keep my eyes on her every second, but if you let me take her on this mission, I promise, I’ll keep any civilians from getting shot, and I know she can get the whata-thingy. Nat, tell Director Fury you can safely retrieve the thingamabob. And also that, if you try to kill me, you’ll do it after there isn’t a threat of several countries being blown up._

Sighing in relief when the others burst in, she immediately jumps up to stand between Clint’s arrow and Banner.

“Natasha?”

“I’m fine,” she assures him. “Neither of them hurt me.”

He nods, lowers the bow, and withdraws the arrow.

She lets him pull her into a hug.

“What happened here,” Stark demands. He gives Banner a once-over, and then, looks at her suspiciously. “Did you deliberately-”

“Tony,” Banner interrupts. “Can I talk to you? Privately?”

“Yeah, sure,” Stark immediately agrees. “You okay? No further- Is that a bullet in Dummy? Alright, the correct answer to my next question had better be, ‘Hulk did it.’ He’s the only one I know is blameless in all of this. In which case, I’m still blaming whichever one of you let him get near a _gun._ Only I’m allowed to…”

Thankfully, Banner manages to coax Stark out of the room.

“Cap’s checking for outside damage,” Clint says. “Tasha?”

She sighs. “Yes, I deliberately provoked Banner into unleashing the Hulk. But part of it is his story to tell. Please, just trust me.”

“Always,” he answers with no hesitation or doubt in his voice.

It makes her feel weak and strong and all too aware of how right and wrong Banner is.

“Do you trust me?”

Startled, she looks up and finds his eyes piercing hers.

“Yes,” she answers. “Without doubt or hesitation. This was personal, Clint. It was personal for me and personal for Banner.”

“Fine. You still should have told me something.”

“I’m sorry,” she offers.

He nods.

…

Even though Stark’s robot is still working, Natasha isn’t surprised to find herself locked out of the lab.

She is surprised when Banner opens the door for her.

“Thank you.”

“Agent Romanov, it’s now standard procedure for all visitors to be scanned for weapons. Please, place all of yours in one of the safes by the water cooler,” Jarvis requests.

Rolling her eyes, she complies.

She’d be more apologetic about accidentally shooting a robot if she hadn’t routinely witnessed Stark doing such things as putting dunce caps on them and threatening to send them to a nearby community college in literal pieces.

“Please shut the safe and place your thumb on the scanner on its door.”

After she’s done, she sits down. “Are you still leaving later today?”

“It’s been decided that would be inadvisable.” He steps around some debris. “Tony’s been very calm and reasonable. But make no mistake, he will lash out soon.”

She sighs. She doesn’t know if this means Stark has gotten the full _I was planning to go to a foreign country in order to try to poison and potentially kill myself_ story or something milder, but she knows from her experience dealing with him while undercover, his lashing out is going to painful for everyone involved; her and Banner being the main targets doesn’t mean the others won’t suffer.

“So, are you staying here then?”

“No,” he says, and it strikes her how sarcastic his tone is. “After dropping that on him, I’m going to leave. And he and the rest of you are going to let me.”

“Well, we probably couldn’t stop you,” she offers.

“He has suits capable of following every move I make. Which he felt the need to inform me in significant detail. Along with the fact it was hypothetically possible to send one of the robots in my room late at night and implant a tracking device in me.”

She tries not to laugh, and he gives her a disgruntled look. “Until he gets to a better place, I’m having myself scanned every day for the foreseeable future.”

Nodding, she asks, “So, how’s the fact you still have to share a building with two assassins make you feel, doctor?”

He shrugs. “I’ll live.”

…

When Clint gets back from helping Steve return things, he doesn’t come talk to her.

It hurts, but she’s not surprised.

He’d come to her room last night and curled up in bed with her, but like Stark, he’s going to need to unleash the emotions he’s deliberately keeping under control before things can start getting better.

She sits down on his couch, and turning off the TV, he sits up. “Hey." He pats his legs.

Repressing a sigh of relief, she puts her feet in his lap and feels everything settle inside when his hands encircle her ankles.

“I’m sorry,” she repeats.

He nods his head. “I know.”

Usually, one apology is enough. Her belief is apologies should be sincere and only given twice if the person receiving them didn’t hear or recognise them as one.

She’s sure she’s the exception to firmly held beliefs Clint has, too.

“Are you and Banner good, now?”

“We’re better,” she answers.

“Good,” he says. “I’m going to the shelter tomorrow. But after I get back, why don’t we go out? You can pick. Anything but opera.”

She smiles. “Okay. That sounds like fun.”

He smiles back. “Want to watch this new Charlie Chaplin movie I found?”

“You do realise, technically, any Charlie Chaplin film is-”

He pinches her ankle. “See, you do sometimes sound like Stark.” He dodges her attempt to kick his head. “Yes or no, Nat.”

“Yes,” she answers. “Turn it on.” 


End file.
